Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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