Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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