Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
