How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
