im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
