Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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