SEEEEXXX PLEASE
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
