Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
