Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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