we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
