We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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