dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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