I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
