McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
