I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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