So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
