She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
