Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
