I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
