I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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