i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
