He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
