so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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