my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
