Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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