Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
