Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
