I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize