God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
