She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
