Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
God, I missed his penis.
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