i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
