I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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