do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
