Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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