Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
