my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
