Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
