He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
