If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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