her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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