why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
