Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
