I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
