Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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