You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
