youre lurking in front of me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
