Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
