ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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