I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
