You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I supernannyed him into submission
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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