Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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