It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
