Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
