Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
