Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
