you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
