I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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