he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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