Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you had me at cake vodka
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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