dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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