Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
