I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
