Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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