jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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