does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
