When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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