I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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