its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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