Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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