oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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