508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
