Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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