My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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