I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
