Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
