Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
