you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How does it feel to date your dad?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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