Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
