Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
