You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
