I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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