How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
