Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
