just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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